Monday, April 20, 2015

Easter realization

Today I realized something…
So what stemmed this thought? Today at church a new friend came over and gave me a hug after the service. It was a glorious service today. Anyway, it wasn't just a hug. It felt different. It sparked something inside of me that made me realize something. I finally realized that something I've been looking for my whole life, something I've been praying for, I will never have on this earth. What I mean is I’ll never know what it feels like to have an earthly father’s love for his son. This may seem bad to you but it’s a great breakthrough for me. It means I’m letting go of things that are holding me back. I’ve struggled my whole life of 35 years with wondering what it felt like to have a father’s love for his son. Even as being a father now, I’ve made my mistakes. From the outside looking in, most people would probably say I haven’t been a good father. Especially to my son. What I’ve learned over the past few months is I’m not a bad father. I’m a father who didn’t have a father to model that example so I’m having to figure things out the hard way. By making mistakes and failing a lot.
I’m sure you are thinking, where is the breakthrough right! The breakthrough is that by letting go of the thought and trying to find the feeling of what a father’s love should feel like, I can focus my time and energy on accepting the love of God as my father filling the hole in my heart and let that joy and love overflow from my heart into my own family. I can let the Godly men I have become friends with be the example of being a loving father.
This thought then got me thinking what is going to happen with my kids and their kids. The absence of a father at one generation before the developing of the foundation can take place will ripple across multiple generations before the males in the family genealogy becomes aligned with children who've had a stable father the whole time. Sometimes a grandparent or someone else can step in and take on the role shortening the generations ripple affect but it all takes time. Something we all have a limited amount of.

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