Women, stop murdering your husbands

I know you read the title like what is he talking about! I’m not murdering my husband.

Women, I know you have a hard day and I know you are very busy. Your husband probably left home this morning before you were even up and he’ll probably be home late tonight but don’t murder him when he comes through the door. Two questions out of his mouth to you are probably going to be “How was your day?” and “What did you do today?” Don’t assassinate him by saying “I’m fine” and “Nothing” just because you are tired and over worked. You both probably are. What you’ve done by answering these two questions this way has destroyed any hopes of your husband finding a single piece of information to connect with his wife and murdered any if not all open communication for the rest of the night.

Do you know what FINE really means? Feelings Inside Not Expressed. I know you have feelings to tell your husband how your day was because you have feelings when you are mad at him. You may not feel like it but this is the one, if not the only person, you should be able to trust with anything you say so if you can’t take the time to tell him how you feel then what your husband is hearing is “I must not be worth her time”. Especially if you reach to pick up your cell phone 2 seconds later. Woman tell your husband’s how you are feeling and how your day was. Even if it was horrible. He may not act like he’s interested but he wants to know. He needs and should know. Men, be quiet and listen! Your wife is opening her heart to you so this isn’t a time for a quick jab or joke. Be attentive to the conversation and take some mental notes.

Now to that second question. I know you got out of bed today and you probably took a shower so don’t tell your husband you did nothing all day. Tell him everything you did with all the details just like you tell your other friends. Even if it takes 15 or 20 minutes. Men, LISTEN! Ask her for more details. If your wife read a book today, ask her to give you some details on what she read. If she did a Bible devotion, ask her how it made her feel. Women, this is your time to tell your husband how good your day was or how horrible you day was so don’t murder him by saying you did nothing and then complain because he never talks to you. You haven’t giving him anything to talk about.

Now when you are done talking, ask him how his day was even if you have no clue what he is talking about. I’m sure there is something in there that you can connect with or just laugh about. Communication is the key to your marriage so stop killing it with short answers. In the book “Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires, The Respect He Desperately Needs”, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs talks about having quiet time together with your spouse every day even if you have to go in the bedroom and lock the door to keep the kids out for 15 minutes. Give your husband your time because if you don’t he’s going to find someone or something else to occupy it.

The first time God spoke to me

It was a Sunday morning before church and my wife and I had just had a little argument about having money for this weeks tithes. My wife either doesn't understand how much this means to me or I haven't communicated it well enough but this week she told me she had spent the money on something else. As we are walking to the church we have some words back and forth and then I ask her if she locked the truck. She said "No".  We said a couple words about who was going to go back and I proceeded back to lock the truck. I bit my tongue and held my words in that I wanted to say since I'm trying to be a better husband. Low and behold, did I know that walk back to the truck would be life changing. As I'm walking and grumbling unloving words in my head about my wife, I hear the words "unconditional". It wasn't like someone whispered the word unconditional. It was if everything around me was gone and it was just God and I. I knew right away what he meant. I wanted to drop to my knees and start crying. What the lord meant was "Love your wife unconditionally". She is a good hearted woman and for that you need to love her even if you are mad about why or how she did something. He was right. I wasn't loving my wife unconditionally.

Keep in mind that I've never had this open line of communication with God like this. It was almost scary at first but he knew what to say that would put me back on track. You never know how or when God will speak to you.

Originally written in February 2014.