Mother and Son: The Respect Effect ~ Review

This post is a book review for the book Mother and Son: The Respect Effect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. My idea behind reviewing this book was that I figured a lot of Mothers would end up reviewing this book leaving all the reviews one sided. I am a Husband, Father of 3 kids, and a Son so I really wanted to validate Dr. Eggerichs’ writings against my own feelings and thoughts as a Son and as a Husband giving a review from a different side. I have read Dr. Eggerichs other book for couples called Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs a few times and thoroughly enjoyed it. I also wanted to see if this book was just a reiteration of the points he mentioned in his other book or if this book brought on new ideas and new concepts.

I found this book to be quite enjoyable. Going in I had this preconceived idea that I was probably going to be bored to death since this book wasn’t directed towards me but as I listened to the audio book every day while driving to and from work (I drive almost 1 hour each way every day) I found myself smiling, laughing, and at times making key notes that I could have used this concept with my own Son. Almost every time I agreed with what Dr. Eggerichs concepts on building a better relationship and understanding with our Sons. Many times I even wished my own wife used some of these same concepts in communicating with me. Something I noted that was different in this book versus the Love and Respect book was that he went into far greater detail on various concepts and ideas with building a relationship with your Son through respect but also with men in general using verses from the Bible to back up what he has just said. I feel like this book would greatly benefit Mothers in their relationship with their Son(s) but also greatly improve their relationships with their Husband. I hope you find this book as enjoyable as I did. I’m sure I will end up reading or listening to this book again in the future.

Below I am running a giveaway for 1 FREE copy of this book. A winner will be selected in the next 7 days.


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Disclosure (in accordance with the FTC’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising”): Many thanks to Propeller Consulting, LLC for providing this prize for the giveaway. Choice of winners and opinions are 100% my own and NOT influenced by monetary compensation. I did receive a sample of the product in exchange for this review and post.Only one entrant per mailing address, per giveaway.  If you have won a prize from our sponsor Propeller / FlyBy Promotions in the last 30 days, you are not eligible to win.  Or if you have won the same prize on another blog, you are not eligible to win it again. Winner is subject to eligibility verification.

Hope

A hospital is a scary place for someone who hates to see others suffering. I've spent my whole life watching others suffer for various reasons and the older I get I slowly see the people close to me move on. Sitting here, I watched a young woman come into the area in a wheelchair complaining she couldn't feel certain body parts and crying because she was scared. God only knows what was stirring in that woman's head but I felt for her. I won't lie, I wanted to cry myself. She reminded me of one the kids in my youth group. I wanted to walk up and hold this lady's hand and tell her it will be ok. To say a prayer for her that gives her hope that she wasn't just another barcode in the sea of patients. Hope. That's really all we want in life when we go to a hospital or a doctor with an uncertain problem is a little bit of hope.

This weekend at Revolution I watched a young girl stand there crying after a powerful testimony. A testimony that included an attempt to end their own life. As I watched her cry I knew she had connected with that testimony on a deep level. Maybe she too has thought about suicide at one time. I really know how that feels. It's not a feeling you ever want to have to ever look back on. I know when I had those thoughts the only thing I ever wanted was someone to come along and tell me everything will be ok. After about 30 seconds of watching this girl try to hold her arms up in praise while trying to wipe the tears as fast as she could. Almost if she didn't want anyone to see her crying, I got up. I walked over to her and held her just like I do my own daughters. She just leaned in me and cried her heart out. This went on for about a minute. Eventually, she stood back on her own with her head down. I ask her if she minded if I prayed for her. I put my hand on her shoulder and she leaned into me as I began to pray for her. I prayed for her to have peace. I prayed for her to have hope. I prayed for Jesus to walk beside her because I knew this wasn't the end. She still has an open wound in her life that she's going to need God's guidance and God's unfailing love for. After we prayed I asked the girl her name and introduced myself just to remove any awkwardness. We shook hands, she said thank you, and then a few seconds later her friend ran over to give her the biggest hug. She was smiling again but I could tell there was still some reserve in there. I hope that my presence wasn't just some weird guy holding me but the arms of God letting her know that there is hope. Hope for another day. And a person will go a long way on a little bit of hope.

Women, stop murdering your husbands

I know you read the title like what is he talking about! I’m not murdering my husband.

Women, I know you have a hard day and I know you are very busy. Your husband probably left home this morning before you were even up and he’ll probably be home late tonight but don’t murder him when he comes through the door. Two questions out of his mouth to you are probably going to be “How was your day?” and “What did you do today?” Don’t assassinate him by saying “I’m fine” and “Nothing” just because you are tired and over worked. You both probably are. What you’ve done by answering these two questions this way has destroyed any hopes of your husband finding a single piece of information to connect with his wife and murdered any if not all open communication for the rest of the night.

Do you know what FINE really means? Feelings Inside Not Expressed. I know you have feelings to tell your husband how your day was because you have feelings when you are mad at him. You may not feel like it but this is the one, if not the only person, you should be able to trust with anything you say so if you can’t take the time to tell him how you feel then what your husband is hearing is “I must not be worth her time”. Especially if you reach to pick up your cell phone 2 seconds later. Woman tell your husband’s how you are feeling and how your day was. Even if it was horrible. He may not act like he’s interested but he wants to know. He needs and should know. Men, be quiet and listen! Your wife is opening her heart to you so this isn’t a time for a quick jab or joke. Be attentive to the conversation and take some mental notes.

Now to that second question. I know you got out of bed today and you probably took a shower so don’t tell your husband you did nothing all day. Tell him everything you did with all the details just like you tell your other friends. Even if it takes 15 or 20 minutes. Men, LISTEN! Ask her for more details. If your wife read a book today, ask her to give you some details on what she read. If she did a Bible devotion, ask her how it made her feel. Women, this is your time to tell your husband how good your day was or how horrible you day was so don’t murder him by saying you did nothing and then complain because he never talks to you. You haven’t giving him anything to talk about.

Now when you are done talking, ask him how his day was even if you have no clue what he is talking about. I’m sure there is something in there that you can connect with or just laugh about. Communication is the key to your marriage so stop killing it with short answers. In the book “Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires, The Respect He Desperately Needs”, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs talks about having quiet time together with your spouse every day even if you have to go in the bedroom and lock the door to keep the kids out for 15 minutes. Give your husband your time because if you don’t he’s going to find someone or something else to occupy it.

Session 3 : Your Heart Matters (Video Notes)

• The heart is three things.
1. It’s the command center of your life.
2. It’s deceitful and corrupt.
3. It’s made new in Christ.
• We associate Love with a 3 pound muscle in our chest that pumps blood through our body.
• We connect with other people emotionally and physically with our hearts.
• The heart is more than the center of our human affections but actually represents the center of an entire person.
• Luke 10:27 Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.
• Mark 7:20 - 22 Then He said, “What comes out of a person—that defiles him. For from within, out of people’s hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immoralities, thefts, murders, adulteries, greed, evil actions, deceit, promiscuity, stinginess, blasphemy, pride, and foolishness.
• Proverbs 4:23 Guard your heart above all else, for it is the source of life.
• Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?
• There wouldn’t even be such thing as country music if it wasn’t for broken promises and broken hearts.
• When it comes to the heart, you don’t have a lust problem, or a sex problem, or a pornography problem, or a behavior problem, what you have and I have is a heart problem.
• The heart simply wants to be satisfied with it’s own desires at the expense of others.
• 1 John 3:20 For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things.
• The good news is the power of the gospel can change our sick deceitful hearts and make them brand new.
• Matthew 5:27 - 28 You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
• Sin happens in the heart first. Each of us is a sinner. Your heart can be made new in Christ.
• Romans 3:23 For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.
• Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
• Romans 6:17 - 18 But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you have come to obey from your heart the pattern of teaching that has now claimed your allegiance. You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.
• You can never really gain any benefit from living according to your own selfish desires.
• Jesus is the cure for your heart problem and your lust problem and your shame problem and your guilt problem and your porn problem and your sex problem and your insecurity problem.
• Jesus is the cure of your sin problem.

Session 6 : Our Final Destination (Video Notes)

Below are some of the notes I took while watching the Session 6 video called ‘Our Final Destination’ of the True Love Project with Clayton King.

• Sexual desire is a sign of something greater than sex. It’s a reflection of the need for lasting love.
• Psalm 119:105 - 106 Your word is a lamp for my feet and a light on my path. I have solemnly sworn to keep Your righteous judgments.
• Psalm 119:109 - 112 My life is constantly in danger, yet I do not forget Your instruction. The wicked have set a trap for me, but I have not wandered from Your precepts. I have Your decrees as a heritage forever; indeed, they are the joy of my heart. I am resolved to obey Your statutes to the very end.
• What is your final destination in Life? Wedding day, the wedding dress, honeymoon…
• You’ll never have a perfect marriage and there is no such thing as perfect sex and there are no perfect spouses. The truth is the person you are going to marry is so sinful that Jesus himself had to die on a cross to save them.
• You could have the picture perfect marriage. You could be a virgin as you walk down the aisle but if you don’t have Jesus then none of those will satisfy you. And none of those will save you.
• Jesus is the destination. He’s the big win. He’s the goal. He’s the finish line. He is the treasure at the end of your life.
• If you get all the other things you ever wanted but you don’t get Jesus then in the end you gain nothing.
• Mark 8:35 - 38 For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life because of Me and the gospel will save it. For what does it benefit a man to gain the whole world yet lose his life? What can a man give in exchange for his life? For whoever is ashamed of Me and my words in the adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will also be ashamed of him when He comes in the glory of His Father with the holy angels.
• Philippians 3:12 - 14 Not that I have already reached the goal or am already fully mature, but I make every effort to take hold of it because I also have been taken hold of by Christ Jesus. Brothers, I do not consider myself to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what is ahead, I pursue as my goal the prize promised by God’s heavenly call in Christ Jesus.
• Submission –> Direction –> Instruction –> Action –> Destination
• Psalm 119:9 How can a young man keep his way pure? By keeping Your word.
• Psalm 119:11 I have treasured Your word in my heart so that I may not sin against You.
• Psalm 119:35 - 37 Help me stay on the path of Your commands, for I take pleasure in it. Turn my heart to Your decrees and not to material gain. Turn my eyes from looking at what is worthless; give me life in Your ways.
• If you get Jesus, you get everything!

Habakkuk 3:2 What?

Today I saw a song title that said Habakkuk 3:2. In my curiosity I decided to look it up. I type it into Google and I get a few links. The first link that pops up is in NIV and I read it.

And then I read it again. I think for a minute “What the heck does that mean?” I felt like Ralphie in The Christmas Story as he hurries to decode the secret message from Orphan Annie. Let me find another version. I read over the ESV text.

Still lost! What has me so confused is the last line of the text because it sounds so dark. So then I think maybe seeing the whole chapter will help.

A-ha, it’s a prayer. Ok, now we are getting somewhere. Let’s go back to Google and find out who Habakkuk really is. I look over all the Wikipedia information on Habakkuk and that’s some good information but then I find a link to a blog post from a Bible study. This is where it finally makes sense. The link to the blog is below.

https://viministry.wordpress.com/2009/03/23/trusting-god-habakkuk-3/

Then I think, “This is the same thing we are doing today that he did hundreds of years ago”. So after reading the blog I found, about three times it finally made sense. The reason I share this is because the story of Habakkuk’s heart being changed from a person who knows of God to a person who has experienced God’s great works. It’s a great story that many people deal with in their own lives. It was if this was Habakkuk’s testimony to the rest of the world.

At the bottom of the blog there was quote that made perfect sense. I have re-pasted it below.

“There is a difference between believing that God is holy and gracious, and having a new sense on the heart of the loveliness and beauty of that holiness and grace. The difference between believing that God is gracious and tasting that God is gracious is as different as having a rational belief that honey is sweet and having the actual sense of its sweetness” (A Divine and Supernatural Light, Jonathan Edwards).

Of course now excited about the story of Habakkuk, I had to read all 3 chapters.

Update: I added a link to the video on YouTube of the song mentioned above.

Open Office Culture Doesn’t Work

Yesterday I realized this open culture of cube farms doesn’t work. Facebook and Google may have created the push for this open culture but they are counterproductive. Don’t get me wrong here. At one time I thought they were productive. I thought they were the way to go but then I realized something. People aren’t collaborating and the people who are collaborating are disturbing the rest of the people in the area. If you walk around you will see almost everyone with a headset on or ear phones in. They aren’t in online meetings. They are trying to drown out the noise of all the conversations in the area so they can be somewhat productive which means they aren’t collaborating. They are slowly becoming less and less productive.

Over the years I’ve been in numerous office situations. I’ve found that individual offices don’t work either. They create silos of people who hardly ever collaborate causing lots of rework. I think they work great for managers and executives who need their private times but not for individuals or team leaders.

So what is the solution? The solution is a mix of both. This mix is team rooms. Rooms that seat anywhere from 5 to 10 people in a room where the area in that room is open just like the low wall cube farms. This allows for teams to become closer than just colleagues and that is what builds a team. That is what fosters collaboration, open communication, and ownership. The people in the room work on the same or similar projects that require open atmosphere communication. This is the day-to-day communication that doesn’t directly affect a project but is important. The team members shouldn’t need to wear head phones every day to get work done. The team leaders should also sit with their team members to keep track of their team’s problems and activities.

Just some thoughts from a rambling office worker.